Fucked
Well.. I got most of the robotics website done, uhm i have to change file names and remove the spaces for the pictures to upload right though- which is a pain in the ass.. SO i'll do that tomorrow. Uhm.. Today was a pretty much fucked up day i guess. Andrew pissed me off, I didn't want to talk to Rami, and yeah, i got home pissy. Why does it feel like it's 12 at night? I feel so sick. Not throwing up sick- but mentally sick- that can lead to throwing up. I don't know. I'm so fucking unhappy it's not even funny. And the more unhappy i get the more i pull my self away from everyone. I'm just so tired of not finding people i can have a decent conversation with, laugh with, smile with, and people who are there for me. The only people i know that accomplish that are, Azra, and Alondra- James made me happy too, but he got too confusing, and that upset me. So yeah. He has his own thing going on. I have no joy in me what so ever, and i feel so... Down.. Way down. Worse then ever. I don't know what it is anymore. I'm just so tired of it. Tired of people thinking their better then me, or i'm not good enough, tired of people thinking it's okay to treat me like i'm shit, or act like i have no say so in the world. I'm just completely tired. It's killing me. People kill me. It's as if no one believes in being kind anymore. I always have to hold up that shell because people just LOVE to hurt me. I swear. It's not a joke- and the sad part is i feel everyone is doing it to me. And i mean everyone. It makes me really sad. And sometimes i wish Tj was around to tell this all to. But he's not. And our times never matched up- he was always on later- (and i know why now). And yeah.. That's another sad story that i don't want to talk about. Aaron never did send me that email. Hm. See i notice these things months later in the year- that's how i know i don't have enough shit to keep me busy. I'm able to catch up with my 'social life' or lack there of-. Yeah. I don't know. i leave wednesday at night for Michigan, i think i'll, just going to work on my paper for the next three days and crawl in bed and act as if i'm dead. Because i feel it. People just piss me off. Everyone in this world can kiss my ass. Except cam. He doesn't have any bad intentions of kiling me or hurting me. = that and he would find that statement offensive. And then kick me. ha. Well he wouldn't kick me.. Just play music on my ears. SO yes. Good fuckin' night. = DorkWhoreCuntBitchEmotionalBasketcaseLoserNamesSonicVanessaNessaNeneYuppess. P.s- i ordered my grad ring. My mother seems more excited then me- i dont even really think i want anything anymore. All i want are my converse and i want to get the hellllllllllllllllllllllll away. old embraces || and those || yet to come |
I loved on 03.29.03 at 8:06 pm |