IM HAPPPYYYY
Oh journal- how i miss spending hours with you in a day :X Time is so..crap. -- Anyways- i finally have a second to update- then i'm off to bed! lol SLEEP oh how i need some... i'm SO frickin exhausted. - Well i stayed up till 1-130 talking to jayson last night :"> everything is... wonderful... and... in the sincerest way it's beautiful too. I don't know- yesterday i think after talking about 'us' i lost the whole doubt of 'us' not working out, and i have a feeling we'll do better this time around. Something is obviously there if it drew us back to eachother the way it did. If i could sense when he missed me, if i could tell he really wanted to talk to me.. I don't know. Nothing will fuck things up this time though. He promised. :X I don't know how to describe it really... I don't want my words to be cursed, or the words to become dead as soon as i say them.. But in a way i guess they are just living once they are said. Our love breathes everytime we tell eachother we love eachother. I don't know. Him Mark and I were chatting at like 530 this morning. LMAO. Jai sun almost always gets online early in the morning to see me off to school :X Sweet huh? I love waking up knowing he might be there.:X I don't know it gives me a whole new reason to wake up and smile. I just feel so incredibly loved- and i guess i was scared all this time he felt opposite. And i think i'm starting to see things slightly clearer. The book he made me is incredible. Even though there are pages ripped out in the front and back,. I WONDER WHY JAI SUN :P lol. I wear my bracelets and it makes me feel like he's with me. Talking to him and mark this morning put me in one of the BEST moods ever. I couldn't stop smiling all day, laughing, joking around with people at school. NOTHING- was going to bring me down. Because jayson put my spirit up so high that i was floating. I felt so beautiful because i was so peaceful, happy, smiling like never before, glowing. My stoner friends thought i was stoned. AND I DONT GET STONED@*#$)$ But they swear on the holy bong that i'm a secret stoner =; Everyone said i looked hot today oddly enough. It was the first time i wore a white shirt. Lmao. And my eyes looked awesome according to Ivelis and Azra. I felt sooooooooooo great. I dont know but i wanna keep feeling this way.Its so yum :X I love him...Heart him.. Luh him.. Ever so much that when the thought of not being with him crosses my mind it hurt me so bad. I want to be in his arms right now = and i wont wanna let go and ill wanna keep him close to me forever :X -- My mother picked me up from school and took me out of class early because my stupid college didnt have my ACT scores. Fuckers probably lost them. But my mom was scare the college might not accept me. Even though i KNOW they will. They said i'm elligible for financial aid, and if i get the full thing i get a book waver too :X -- I had to go to work after that, and goyce took us to subway, i had already bought a chciken salad from burger king because i missed my lunch period of NEIU. So i just ate my salad in subway and we all discussed what was going on, and how goyce wont be our boss anymore. And yadda yadda we all joked around listened to avrils "Im with you" come on THREE TIMES thats how long we were there. :)) And ofcourse i had to sing along all three times. :) -- I came home, my dad was here waiting for me so i then went with him to the mall to get my Converse, and ended up getting two pair. They didn't have pink ones = so i got blue instead, and my black ones. -- I then came HOME AGAIN, and had to leave once more to go get fitted for my prom dress. I'm going wednesday with the lady to shop for the dresses material. Then that same day i leave for MI. oh lord. I'M GOING TO MISS JAYSON SO MUCH. blah. I can barely go through school paying actual attention to the teachers because all i feel like doing is laying my head on the desk and thinking about him. So i do both. lol -- Anyways I talked to my love for a bit, did some homework, and now im ready for bed. ANd i just decided i want to name my daughter Rain Sirius. = lol I dont know i like the two names and when i put them together the meanings are beautiful :X Rain, for one. And sirius [pronounced SIR E US not CYRUS PPL]is one of the most beautiful heavenly stars :X Or maybe i should just name her star :X hahaha alright night night I HEART YOU COOKIE CRUMB SEE YOU TOMORROW :x -- I have a robotics meeting, then i'll come home and work on my paper and project for spanish. ICK :X Sirius old embraces || and those || yet to come |
I loved on 03.31.03 at 10:50 pm |