Sick Cycle
I just noticed something in the last day. And i find it funny, and interesting. Ya' know. For the past 3 years? Or so. I've always gotten' all this enimity towards me, and whoever i dated. It's funny how when back in august or a little before then, everyone wanted to steer me away from Jayson, and tell me all these lies about him, and cause any kind of trouble they could. But in October when Dani got with him. The whole crowd went silent. I wonder why? I've thought about it yesterday for a little bit, and i now see it was that, that whole disfunctional group wanted to see me unhappy. Each and everyone of them, would pay anything just to see me fall flat on my face. Some 'friends' i had, huh? And i wonder why i only speak consistantly to Aaron, Jayson, Chelle, Cam, and Kari, out of that whole entire group of my so-called friends. I realized that all along, all these years, i was right. And the reason why there is so much Hostility against me is because i seen through it all. It makes me wonder when people will really grow up and stop trying to act like their better then everyone. Stop living in someone elses shadow, and stop living some lie they wish were their reality. Because honestly that's what it comes down to isn't it? People seem to be stuck between dreams and reality. It's funny how 4 years ago, i had so much respect for these people, and i thought i could learn something from them. And i did. It wasn't positive though. It amazes me how minipulative, hypocritical, contradicting, two faced, fearful, lieing, untrustworthy bastards 95% of them turned out to be. Yet i still wonder when the good in these people will come out one day. When they will stop trying to settle some score with eachother, use eachother, push eachother away when they don't find 'use' for that person, believe in something, and just learn what it feels like to be human. Because it's okay to be who you are, but when you're playing some role, the world can see right through you, and that's when the words start to flee from peoples mouths. Only thing is you'll never hear it or see it happen'. Because it will always happen when your back is turned. Slitting throats is fun, no? I wonder what happens when they learn to face a person and stab them from the front. But i doubt anyone will be worthy of that. Because in order for that to happen, you have to actually care about someone. And face up to the wrongs you've done. Anyways, i'm done touching on that topic. I was just curious about things. Something that is bothering me, well not bothering me, but i hate to see happen, is Mark and his infactuation with all these girls. Mark, i like ya' and all, you're my buddy, but- this whole having a crush on someone new every other day isn't working out for you. What happened between you and Abbey seriously bothers me. How can you 'love' all these people at once, then complain that they don't love you back? You can't invest your feelings in 5 different girls, and keep looking for more, and actually expect them to want to invest anything in you. Everyone's trying to give you that 'oh you're such a good guy and you're too good for me, and you'll find someone better then me, and you'll be with someone you really love soon' speech. And it's bullshit. If they thought you were as great as you are, then they wouldn't be walking away now would they? And if you weren't such a jerk when it comes to falling for every girl that practically says hello to you and holds an hour conversation with you then maybe you WOULD find someone. Set some standards mark. Becuase if you don't set something- you'll fall for anything. And that seems to be what you're doing. Falling for anything. Each week practically, it's someone new.Quit doing that to your self. Stop setting yourself up to be let down,and on top of it knowing you'll be let down. Then trying to make the girl feel bad because you knew this would happen. Do something about that bullshit and maybe something will come of it. Something good, for once. God. Stop staring at so many closed doors, damn it, and find someone that's worth investing time in for a LONG time, instead of telling someone you love them after one day. Because that's not love. It's desire and lust. Kari- I'm sorry stuff is pissing you off right now. But you know if you need to talk about it, i can listen. And you know if you just want to get your mind off of it all i can act like a silly clumsy clown and dance for you :x <3<3 Anyways i have to finish up my room then i have to go to school and sit there for 5 hours, having parents sign in and all this other bs. Good luck everyone. Because it looks like we all need some luck lately. Laid her :) Ness old embraces || and those || yet to come |
I loved on 04.30.03 at 9:00 am |