Blah-sigh-
But he swears up and down you were different. Haha.. Maybe you ment 'swore' chelle.. And even then, it probably was just another phrase. Now i feel like a cliche, just another one of his groupies on a list of ex's.Because if i was half the things he said i was, and if i ment half the things he said i meant.. Why did this happen?.. Anyways- i'm going to make more of a fool of myself- here's a letter i wrote.. ANd well yeah this is my journal so i post journal things, and this is the only piece of writing i have that i spoke directly from the heart... and yeah. blah. Your love has made me see a new light. I�ve never allowed anyone to get this close to my heart before. Never ever. I know this has been a huge long struggle for the both of us. But mainly it has been me putting that struggle on you. I�ve always been used to not trusting enough to believe that someone could love me or even have the best intentions in mind, when it comes to my friendship, heart, and love- I never really put my self out there much. But you have helped me see that something will come of this Jayson. Something must come of this- of us. And if nothing does than I�d like you to know that you have helped me take down a lot of walls/ open doors/ and open my heart more then ever before- yet allowed me to explore this love that has been trapped inside of me for so long. You�ve helped me want to care for others and at least try to still care even after they have done me wrong. You have helped me believe that people deserve a second chance, maybe even a third or fourth. ( haha J ) You have filled my everyday life with so much HOPE.- Something to really look forward to in the future- and it�s proven you�re not that easy to give up on. I love the way you make me feel, the way you make me sad, angry, happy, cheerful, smile, frown, laugh, cry- because I know you�ve affected me in some way- and you have that power over me that I would never think of trying to take away. I love allowing you to have every ounce of power over my heart- because instead of fighting love off the way I used to- I know that I can trust in you. I can honestly trust you won�t hurt me intentionally. That�s a great feeling- a feeling I�ve never felt. I see you as my equal- someone capable of anything they set their mind to and that�s the person I seen in you the day I knew I wanted to be with you for the first time. I seen sooo much potential in your love, and in your heart. I am so honored, happy, joyful, excited, and speechless, that I get to be the one you share it with� I�m so proud and happy to be known as your girlfriend- to be known as someone you care about and love- because you are truly worth more than anything and more than words can describe. When I think of you, I think of the person I could spend every living, breathing day with, for the rest of my life. And not have any regrets in choosing to do so. You are my one and only. No one can come between this, no one can take it away. I can�t fight your love anymore.- As you can see. (haha) So I guess you win this war, huh? Well I�m glad. And the fact that you said you would never give up on �us�- says so much, Jayson. You just don�t know what that means to me. But maybe you can imagine. You are my one- my everyone- my everything. Because as long as I have you I can do anything in this world, reach any goal, and accomplish any task- because I�d know you�re behind me cheering and encouraging me the whole way through. I don�t believe I�ve ever said these things to anyone before- I know this because no one has ever made me feel this way. These words feel so new to me. I think for once my heart has spoken.- SO this is what it feels like huh? Wow. Jayson- I know when it comes to family- you say you don�t have much. But I�d like to be apart of your world. I know you feel when it comes to it all- you�ve gotten the short end of the stick- But, I want to be apart of what you call family. Because the truth is- like family, I�d never walk out and not find a reason to come back. There would always be a reason to come back. Whether it�s to be a lover, a friend, or someone just to care for, and love you- I�d be it all just for you. You�re precious to me. And you mean the world. Your heart and love stays with me at all times and there isn�t a day that goes by that I don�t think of you, and that I�m not finding something that makes you cross my mind. Because no one can make me smile like you can. No one can make me blush the way you do, nor cry. Because when it comes from someone you�re in love with- everything means that much more. To be seen as beautiful in your eyes makes me believe that I am someone- and I have a reason to be here. And something there holding my heart, to remind me everyday that I do [I LOVE YOU]- with every bit of my heart- you mend it and make it seem as if it was never broken or hurt or harmed before by anyone. Thank you for that. Thank you for everything- for being there- thank you for walking in my life and this time staying. I love you soooooooooo much!!- You�re my EVERYTHING. (And I love knowing that.) Love you always, Vanessa Marie <3 --- Laugh it up people. I know.. I'm a fool, huh? Yeah. Laugh at me. Thanks. It's much apreciated?? old embraces || and those || yet to come |
I loved on 05.06.03 at 5:00 pm |