Then she told me she had a gun
Ever just sit back... & wonder what you mean to people? If you mean anything at all? Do they care enough to stay along for the ride.. Or do they leave you abandoned way back on the 'wayside' as sir elton john would say. Sometimes... When i let my guard down.. I see how weak i am to people.. I see how much i can give. I could give the world. But would that mean anything to anyone? Am i a type of girl you'd like to keep around forever.. Or forget aboot as soon as you met her...? Am i a deep person that scares away the shallow men..? What is is about me that scares people away? I don't want to go through life scaring away people i care about. But i also don't want to go through life being stepped all over. I know the ever so 'hardcore' or emotion-strong people.. pretend 'not' to care. But i think many care more then they'd like to think. I want to be the type of girl that can make a man weak at the knees.. where he'd want to invest everything into 'us'.. Into me. I'd love to be the person he thinks about.. all day.. & even in his sleep. But i don't think that's possible for a girl like me.. Question is: what kind of girl am i then?? I don't know.. I don't know... All i know is i want to be wanted, and i'm inlove with the image i have of 'real' love.. where the heart doesn't break.. & he only wants me.. b.leh. But there's always a price to pay... Isn't there? I've noticed how introverted i've become... People just seem to drain me nowadays'... ye.uck. i feel bad. I get online only to sit here, and think, or not think-- i don't even know what to THINK about anymore. I have noticed that i just sit here, numb & silent.& people get frustraited because i can't help them hold up a conversation, or they don't even hold one up when i do talk..... & with my offline friends.. i don't know. But i'm upset with a lot of them, and i feel like trash. Because i just feel sick to my stomach when i realized how much i was minipulated into believing i was a bad person all this time. Or the things i do is ever so 'wrong'. When really it's that bitch that has the headcase problems. Not me. All along-- all i ever tried doing was enjoying my self, and being happy. & Some of them brought me down, and i feel so ANGRY. I still feel angry. I feel like crying when i think aboot it... But i won't. i just hate it how easy it is for me to trust in someone when my guard is down, i hate falling for people, i hate making friends with two-faced people, i hate people who only care about their own feelings, or gains, I HATE IT ALL. I hate selfish people that care less aboot who they hurt. BASTARDS. FUCK YOU ALL! Because i'm tired of people like me getting hurt. I'm tired of seeing people hurt. I'm TIRED OF THE FUCKING WORLD BEING HURT. Bleh. i'm done. I wish the best for everyone. may you all find happiness somehow, even if i never get it. <3 >>*SONIC*<< old embraces || and those || yet to come |
I loved on 07.09.03 at 9:17 pm |