Guess Who Is {Sorta} Back?
Is it worth it can you even hear me? Hey.... Everybody... Or Person. [I don't know who reads my journal anymore so scuse me. =) ] Well my surgery went well and i'm not fully recovered but for the most part i can now talk (YES!) and stand and walk without getting dizzy and falling over, or falling asleep. Good, ay? haha yeah. This week flew by but for the first 4-5 days i felt like i was in hell. Probably was. I was on Morphene, and Tyenol with Codine for a week. But now i'm not using any. Go me! My mom was afraid i might get addicted- So i proved to her i won't use it. Though i could use some today ;) Nose hurts. = This could be my chance to break out, this could be my chance to say Goodbye Well nothing much has been going on with me really. I talk to James every now and then. Last night he called again, then he called me back at 11 something, but i knocked out. :"> James if your reading this i am SO sorry!! Lmao. I don't know what happend to me, once i dozed off to my "The used" cd i burned, it felt like i havent slept in days, and for once in MONTHS, i actually wanted to sleep, and didn't wanna' wake up for anything. But if he doesn't call soemtime today i'll call him later tonight. =) He's in a daze right now it seems. I don't know. I'm not Ms. Cure or anything anymore i don't think. I need to get me a life that isn't so "comfy" or "Safe".. I don't know.. I need to start living on the edge a bit. I guess. I haven't taken any chances with anything in my life.. And i think i need to start. Justin says i don't have the courage to change my daily rutien, or meet new people. But i don't know. Men scare me. Lol. Why are guys so scary? Hm. Well let's see. I NEVER know what the guys intentions are, what he wants from a or 'the' relationship. What he wants from me, where i stand with the guy, or if we even stand anywhere at all. I guess the communcation in my life is crap. I think i just sit around and wait, allowing my self to be scared to take any chances with anyone. I don't like seeing things end. It's hard to look at the person afterwards, ya know? I'm very "Eye- Shy" I used to think it was because of my low-self esteem, but now i think it's just because i'm scared. It's like when you let someone see your eyes, then can see you if they look hard enough. And i don't like leaving that option open for more then 4 seconds. lol. That and i'm seriosuly just plain shy. I'm a bigmouth openminded vulgar talking shy girl. I've moved so much in my life, that i had no choice but to take on this personality and make people know i'm alive by being talkative, when the real me just wanted to sit in the back of the class and not be noticed period. I don't know.I've lived by spaulding for the longest. It was the longest place i've ever been at, and now it's.. Just gone. It was as if for ONCE in my life i had a steady school to go to, steady mess of friends, and i wasn't scared anymore. Even though when i went back to Henry, i only went for 5th and 6th. But people knew me from 1st and half of 2nd, it was funny. When i transfered back to Henry, i had guys coming up to me saying, Weren't you here in like 1st grade?blah blah, girls came up to me too. Like Melissa G. We have Ap english together this year, and i don't think anyone would know that her and i were in 1st grade together, and 2nd, 5th and now, oh yeah and last year. I really don't like her. She made first grade hell for me. Just because Kristen liked me and wanted to hang out with me, she would HATE it. Lmao It's kinda funny i remember all of this. But she seriously started like this little cult group of four, it had Fatima Omar in it too. Lol i remember Fatima. But yeah, i was the outcast that they made SURE didn't associate with 'the group'.I think that's why i hung around guys. Guys were more fun anyways. But i ended up creating some distance from the girls, and they would hate me, because i would hang out with the guy they liked, and i didn't even like the lil fuckers. But whatever. All of them whores are eating their words. That's all i know. =P It just amazes me how people change though. I guess is the whole point of what i've been trying to get to.. I've known a lot of the people for years. Most i don't talk to anymore. But how they've changed so much. I know melissa has never changed, but i don't think people let her boss them around anymore, lmao. Morons. Some of the people i hated i now love, and people i loved, i now hate. It amazing what happens in 12 years. Holy fuck. I've known some of them for 12 years?Hahaha. Frickin scary. I wish i knew other people for 12 years, people worth investing time in, but i guess you can't always get what you want. Pointless entry coming to an end... Okay everything here was pretty pointless. Just a long... Draggy moment of reflection. My cousin is over, so i'm gunna' hang in the living room with her. I've been on this thing too long. Too much internet= bad. I've created a small time limit for my self =) Bye bye Broken, Sonic old embraces || and those || yet to come |
I loved on 02.11.03 at 1:14 pm |