New Years
Even...The bravest..Of the brave..The strongest of the strong.. Get lonely sometimes. No matter how much i push people away.. I will always need someone. I don't know who that person is.. But i wish they'd come to me already. Maybe no one has come my way because i've been really selfish lately. Honestly- you can't just push people ouut of your life, because you think their not good enough to be in it, people do deserve second chances... But some people i just can't bare to give that second chance.
For example- Rami. He's verbally abused me too much, especially the last few months, so i had to get away from that. I just couldn't take it anymore. Ha. Ya' know what he said the day we decided on not being friends?" Wow.. You should have told me this a long time ago, then i wouldn't have wasted my time on you." That's what he said. Instead of saying.. I didn't know you got verbally abused all your life i'm sorry. I didn't know about it? He says all that junk. BASTARD. Anyways yeah. That's how i knew i wanted nothing to do with him anymore.
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So what have i done so bad not to get a good man in my life?I guess i have been asking for too much. I just don't know where i', going to end up in 5, 10, 15, 20 years. And it would just be nice knowing i had someone by my side... Ya' know? Not someone cutting me down on every detail about me, but instead bringing out the good in me. Not someone who feels like cheating, but can't stand the idea of being without me. Not settling and being happy living with me. Someone who can humor me- even out of one of my most depressed, sad, or angry moods. God.. Someone who can put that honest smile back on my face. Someone who's sweet... Has carisma. I want Innosence. But i guess that's too much to ask for.
I bet the gods/goddesses- are saying well what can you do for that person?Well.. I can say this much, once my guard down, and know that the person is The One My love will be unconditional. It's been a long time since i've allowed love to wrap all around me, and take over my spirit, mind, and heart. Where being cheesy was okay. I didn't have to hold up my hard front. It was okay to smile 24/7, and be nice, and sweet, until it made other people sick.lol I don't think anyone has seen that innocent side of me in a couple years now. I've grown so cold, numb, alone. Just for once.. I think i'd like a challenge. A guy who challenges me. Who isn't predictable. Yet has that innosence. I told my cousin yesterday. "Your guy is real. Remember, a person can't fake Innosence." That's what i want.
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So what is my new years resolution? To find someone that completes me. Maybe take a chance on people.. No matter the circumstances... Maybe try to be the person i once was... Not so mean, with the guys. Or give them such a hard time. Ha.. I swear i bust a man's balls way too much. Ladies if you want your guy to get a taste of reality, send them to me and let me "analyze" them lmao. I'll tell them up and down what's wrong with them until it hurts. Ugh so sad = I need someone. It hurts..you know.
Sonic
Happy new years all. May your resolutions come true, and everyone get what they need, and perhaps want. Like in my case.
old embraces
|| and those || yet to come
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