And it hurts to know things won't change.
Is it okay to breathe? Well I haven't updated in awhile due to the fact DIARYLAND was being an ARSE. I accidently deleted one of my entries at 4am this morning- because i was in pain- and i couldnt sleep so i had decided to edit my Poetry journal. It looks nice- and simple. It's cute. As soon as diaryland stops being such a cock and decides to get up and running like it's supposed to- i can't post all of my poems. So yeah. Your gunna have to deal with it. Unless i just make a blog type style, and instead of searching and clicking on the poems, they would be one after another- though i think the clicking is more fun. :-P It would end up being like.... 40-45 entries... Hm... Maybe i should do the blog? I don't understand people anymore i feel like everyone in this world is trying to distance themselves from me. Or maybe i'm the one distancing my self? I know i did before.. But i don't know. There's just always so much drama and all i want to do is be able to be happy for a WHOLE day and everyone around me be happy too. Is that too much to ask? I guess all i want is peace. I'm so lonely- and i hate it with a passion but there's really nothing i can do about it. I'm so tired- yet i can't sleep because i always have something on my mind or something to do. I think i'll go to sleep early tonight. I need a good nights rest- it's been awhile. I just might go to sleep after this entry. I got some scholarships from Ms.Hall.. I need to fill those out ASAP. But i'm not doing that today. Too blah. I think when i get a chance to go to the mall i'm going to check out some anti-depressants. That way maybe i can make people around me more happy- because i seem to either make them sad,mad, angry, upset, or i just ignore them because i can't handle my own emotions. Maybe i'm just a horrible person?I don't know. I guess i'm selfish somehow. I just realllllly wish the whole world would feel better. Nothing has been the same since 9-11. Everything has been so upsetting- so blah. I wish things would turn around and get BETTER. I miss bondings with friends, and hopefully the robotics trips will bring us all together again- rami seems to hug me a lot more- i think it's because Fatima and him have nothing going on anymore. He always treats me more decent when he's not crushing on some girl. It's crappy but eh- the drama stopped at least. Vidal is a fucking two timing whore that talks shit behind peoples backs. She has said soooo much shit about Rami, and convinced Imran to take Fatima to luncheon and ditch Rami. Vidal said that her and rami only kicked it- right. I'm pretty sure they went out. Her and her buddies Alma and the rest of the stupid bitches would talk shit about me last year most likely because Vidal thought Rami and I had something going on- when she liked him. Alma and the rest just purely hated me, why? I don't know.Theyre fucking retarded thats all i know. Anyways yeah. Vidal was the first one to say she liked Rami- so why is she trying to make Rami look like some desperate loser, or backstabbing asshole? When she's the shit talker. Oh well she'll get what's coming to her. God i love karma. I just wanna' say- despite all the drama that's been going on, online, and off, i really care about everyone that's ever took the time to get to know me, and be a friend, and allow me to be who i am. You people make me who i am today, and though i may hold my shell up and scare a lot of you away- give me time and when i come around.. I'm the sweetest person ever.. I'm just really vulnerable. And i hate that about myself. I really don't know what else to say. My thumb hurts. I feel like crying for no reason, and singing at the top of my lungs- I think i need to do that. I think it would relieve a lot of stress/depression/sadness/anger. I don't really have any anger though... I dunno. Later Nene old embraces || and those || yet to come |
I loved on 03.11.03 at 8:21 pm |