Begin the Fade.
I now see why i spend so much time in school, and i think i was happier being online less- i felt good about myself and it felt good to have this piece of hoss not connected to the internet- just watching it sit there- as i only got online to write in my journal. Since about October- i seen who really cared whether or not i was 'here'. Which was no one. People i guess tend to fool you until they find no use for you- i know the main reason i'm on here is to relieve stress- but this seems to cause more. The fact is, since i can't go outside and hang out on a school night where i'm at the busiest peak of my schooling- really sucks. Because i'm tired of being held inside for so long. It's friday. And i'm doing nothing- nothing what so ever. People online just aren't the same as they used to be- sometimes i wonder if they ever were anything. I notice how hard it gets to breathe sometimes when i sit here- watching time go by so quickly i realize that once again i have spent about 3 hours sitting here and accomplishing nothing. 3 hours i could have been sleeping, i could have been straightenin up my room, i could have been reading and checking on research for my paper, i could have been writing, or listening to music- you never really know how valuable time is until it's gone and you realize you've just wasted more. When you want too much out of life is when you get too little. When you realize life is what it is, and people are how they are- you can't change them, thats when things become more clear. The only possible way to get hurt, is to hope, and believe things change. But i guess i forgot about the part of wishing 'for the better'. Don't wish for change period- you'll get your change whether you wish for it or not- but it's sad when it comes in the worse forms. It is 11:16pm, what do i have to do now?Nothing. What would i be doing if i wasn't so wrapped up in this chat world again? Probably watching tv in my SPOTLESS clean room. But no. I'm sitting here, with my clothes on the floor, my protest signs on my desk, papers everywhere, and i am just sitting here doing nothing about it. Except worrying about who's online. Well not anymore. After next week, i'll be here off and on for the following two weeks. Because i have Robotics competitions. If i'm going to texas that's the second week. So i'm going to michigan Apr. 2-6? and 8-11 is texas i think. Well something very close to that anyways. Watch me as i fade away.. I'm going to tidy up my room, and perhaps watch tv. I don't need to be here. Goodnight. old embraces || and those || yet to come |
I loved on 03.21.03 at 11:07 pm |