"The boundaries of freedom were tested today."
Here is the journal entry i WAS NOT able to post yesterday, because DIARYLAND was being evil =; hand. But anyways. I allowed my teacher to read it because i printed it out- and she said it was a beautiful piece. She said she wants to put it in the year book... lol *blushes* what if people don't like it. = oh well. here it is... ------------ The boundaries of freedom were tested today. I couldn't stop thinking about it all night. It was an adrenaline rush-- the very thought of rallying up loads of people and walking down a path stating how we believe and feel. I couldn�t sleep. The very thought of it had my mind boggling. I was scared no one would walk with us- but at the same time, I wanted to do it anyway. Even if there was only one of us- it�s hard to stand alone, but if it�s for what you believe in, you�ll do it. It�s finally 5:30 AM and I never woke up so psyched about a day, normally I find my self dragging my body out of bed. Ever wonder how heavy a dead body is? When the person is partially unconscious -- it�s like double their weight. I experienced it once when one of our friends couldn�t hold her own body weight due to heat exhaust and hyperventilation. That�s how I feel every morning. Like I�m dragging my dead self out of bed. But this morning was different- it wasn�t like the others. My body felt extra light, I was numb to anything today. Any pain, any anger, any sadness, any laziness , EVERYTHING! After I got ready and went to school, I walked in the building feeling refreshed, and as if something important was going to happen, and no matter the outcome-- it felt good to just prepare for it. The clocks ticking- we�re all excited, I walk the halls and see many people talking about it now- it makes me more confident to see that people are talking about it. My AP English teacher said EVERYONE was talking about it. She said she never seen the students so rushed. The students were excited, and everyone was talking about one thing- the protest. By then the fear of NO ONE going, and copping out was pretty much faded. It put the biggest smile on my face to see people really wanted to participate in this. (Of course there is always those set of students, that just want to say they are �going� but really don�t and end up walking a mile and all of a sudden they disappear- but that�s their problem. They are the ones that missed out on a great experience.) There were teachers that forbade this, teachers that were against this, but still allowed it to go on, teachers that were behind us 100 percent, but still let us know that there are consequences we may suffer, and there were teachers that didn�t support this at all and only cussed out some classes, and pointed out how �stupid� and �ignorant� we were. There were other comments, which I would not like to mention because of the vulgar ness. ( One would think a teacher, being an educator and all could find better words then the common �potty-mouth� words of today�s youth.) If it is �stupid� and �ignorant� to express a feeling that�s burning in your heart- then so be it. It was worth every word said by teachers- and even the words left unsaid. The time is almost near- we have our posters, we have people, and all we do is sit and anticipate the moment we walk out together as one. It is now 11 AM, we begin to slowly walk towards the door, and exit it, once out of the classroom we walked on each floor holding up our posters with pride, as we paced the floor at least once or twice with different people, and then finally exited out the door. Our intention was not to cause too much commotion and disturb all of the classes so we tried to do it as respectful as possible. But we must remember we cannot control EVERYONE. As I stepped outside of the school I look to my left and see this huge amazing crowd of people standing at the corner of Kimball and Wilson. Never will I forget the feeling I had. My eyes widened in awe- as if I was a five year old child in a big toy store. I was so overwhelmed by the amount of people that were actually there! It was more then I had anticipated! I could not believe it. As I continue to walk towards the crowd I hold up my sign and I hear people cheering, and all revved up for this event. A tear actually slides down the side of my face as I quickly wiped it away. I really didn�t know why a tear fell, but now I do. The emotion I had was indescribable. I was proud, and full of joy that there were people out there that felt the same as I did, and were willing to come together and express how we all feel, they were willing to stand with us, and that really touched my heart. I wasn�t alone. We walked miles, and miles, what we thought would probably seem like forever, but didn�t. The adrenaline took us all and carried us on our journey. The cold wind, and the rain falling on us didn�t stop us. On the way there I will admit we did lose about 15% of the people that were originally there. But the fact that there wasn�t just six of us, and that there was still a whole crowd of people, mattered more. Nothing can replace the feeling and freedom we felt we had as we walked, cheered, and expressed how we feel. Not how we were told to feel. People wanted us to stay and be silent, � If you feel strongly about it just walk into everyone of your classrooms and say �NO WAR� and sit down.� The truth is, I�m a firm believer that many people in America are jaded about this war. There is no black and white in this war. There is too many things being unsaid, and things we just wish were never said. The world is partially confused as to how we are supposed to feel about this war. As for me, I have feelings of angst, anguish, vulnerability, and confusion. We wanted peace, and though we may not have had peace in this new war, we had peace in our hearts-- we had peace in that crowd that marched. It takes a lot of love, passion, and heart, to bring a crowd of strangers together to argue and fight for one thing. We all set our differences aside and came together to protest the war with Iraq. As we got to WGN news there were people for and against us on that journey. I remember cars and people in windows giving us �The finger� because they believe in this war, so I kindly returned the response with a thumbs up or a nod of the head along with a smile. It didn�t matter. The point is I respect the thoughts of others, and still allowed my self to feel strongly about mine. That�s what this was all about-- taking action on how we felt, and what we thought- even if that causes severe consequences. I know some would thing we were not really organized, but if asked, in my opinion- we handled the situation very well. For planning a protest in a one day advance, it worked wonders compared to what I thought. I remember telling fellow students not to go in the streets or disturb traffic, that it�s not a riot we want- and we just want to be heard. As long as we remained on the side walk, we were allowed to chant and say whatever we felt. That was our freedom. As long as we did not trespass property, and hurt anyone, we were within out rights. We didn�t need to destroy property, litter, or spray paint walls, to get our point across. Our point(s) were made when we walked down Irving Park and people seen a group of teenagers taking interest and actual feeling in today�s decisions. If anything- one would think teachers would be proud that students are taking this to a whole other level. It took a lot of guts for all of these students to hold their heads high, keep a smile, and say how they feel, in front of strangers-- in front of people that didn�t agree, in front of people that hated us, in front of the world.
At around 12:30 pm or so- after walking back and forth in front of the WGN news station a camera man- or should I say woman- came out and filmed us for a couple of minutes, and on the 12:00 news there we were. �Roosevelt students protest and speak out against the war�. Tomorrow when I walk back into that school building that is practically my second home- I know there is going to be some people who despise us for doing this. There are going to be teachers that want to punish us severely because of how angry they are that we were not present in their class, and there will be teachers that just look at us as a bunch of �ignorant� teenagers that have �no idea� what they are talking about, and don�t know any better. That�s okay. People are entitled to their opinion, but the truth is we are obliviously not alone if there was about 200 students outside of the school, if there are people everywhere that have doubt in the back of their mind about this war, and that�s something that just cannot be ignored. There is a gigantic list of PROS� and CONS� about this war. We are going to lose many people. This is world war 3, as Bush declared awhile ago. Just because we protest the war, does not mean that some of us won�t fight for our country anyway, even if it was in vain, we would still have people standing by our America. Because that�s the kind of people America has taught. We are proud, and we respect every soldier that walks in to that war, and everyone that doesn�t get the chance to. Our hearts are with you all, and your families. I am proud to be an American, because I am allowed to say how I feel privately, and publicly if I wanted to, and not be killed for feeling the way I do. Even if I don�t agree or do agree with the decisions our President makes. The point is, today on March 19,2003, at 11:00 AM I was able to express how I felt, and no one was there to stop me, or prevent me. Because they knew I had the right. -Vanessa Solis
old embraces || and those || yet to come |
I loved on 03.20.03 at 6:50 pm |