Bring me to life...
HOLY JESUS on a pogostick. Tyler IMed my mom a few ago, and she yelled my name, normally i'm thinking, okay.. what does she want now. Normally she wants to show me some goofy thing the cats are doing, but this time when i came to her it was TYLERRRRRR :O:O:O:O:O:O I'm still in shock. But so happy. I don't know. I feel like the part of me that has been dead for awhile just revived itself. Just.. WOW.. Like i've been feeling so numb for the past couple months, and then someone who has a chunk of my heart comes back, and just... wow. I just know that i've missed him sooooo much it's crazy. & I always think about him, and austin and justin when i think back to years ago, or when i hear a familiar song. & when i say their names and start laughing, people i'm with are like huh?!?! Because i always get memories and stuff when i hear certain songs, and then i think of the good days, and yeah. The bad days don't really stick with me much anymore. I think i finally let go of my past when i let go of the issues ive had with my dad. All the bad is pretty much burried. But i don't know. Even if he was only on for a second... It's nice.. It's like seeing a familar face.. someone you've trusted more then anyone-- just come back to life. I hope he's doing well. He didn't seem to interested in catching up. But that's alright. Haha the last time i spoke with austin and he told me aboot what was going on.. I said hopefully the next time i see that name come on, it will be Tyler, and doing better. & yeah. When my mom told me, i ran to my room and got on yahoo. Lol. Just WOAH. What a fucking rush i got. I don't know, knowing he's okay just woke me up i guess. I just wish i was more alive, a lot of me [my heart..] is still numb, but the piece the goodmans [including my tyler J.] have-- owns a lot of who i am. Sometimes i look back to then & now-- and i wish i wasn't as afraid to wear love at my fingertips, i used to love and care aboot people like woah. But people just took advantage of me, and loved me at the wrong time, and some didn't even really care about me... But they showed they were always my friend, and they always cared. & i guess that's why i always think so highly of Tj, austin, and justin. Their sorta like big brothers.. well maybe more like bodyguards.. cause you don't date one.. and then a couple years have feelings for another... lol.. so weird. BUT GOD. I can say i love them all, even if they don't love or care aboot me anymore. That's ALRIGHT! because yeah.. they'll always own a piece of me. happy happy joy joy ! Nene old embraces || and those || yet to come |
I loved on 07.17.03 at 10:56 pm |