My Story (Part 1)
ALL of the following was written by me. (�Vanessa Solis)
A of the following ranges from 1-2 and maybe even three years old.Mainly one to two years old though. My writing has grown and hopfully readers will see that, when i post another link up for recent writings. Compare them if you like. When a writer composes(gives birth,delivers,makes, etc.) Poetry, Songs etc. The universal theme they use never really changes. The way in which one writes their poetry may change from time to time, becoming better or worse. But writers tend to write about what they know- what they have been through if you will. And when a person is able to do that in such a way that it touches another soul... That's when writing becomes powerful. Everyone has a story to tell... And through out this journal, i am slowly gathering thoughts, recording daily events.. And one day i can look back on all of this and realize it was my story that i have been telling all this time. So here's parts of my story that i've summed up in many little ones. Remeber....Life is more then who we are. I'm still learning.
�VMS
WARNING!!
The following has to deal with depression, deep thought, emotion, sadness, and all that mushy stuff. So don't bitch about what you see keep the drama to your self. Fair warning given. Thanks :)
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Remotely she sit's in her locked room
As the tears clutter to the very tip,
A deep breath,
As she Closes her eyes,
Letting the tears flutter down her cheeks.
The tearful girl reminisces
Remembering the hurtful words,
The lack of understanding,
The word "Goodbye."
As she remembers the great pain,
Agony, and torcher
While promissing to never love again.
Her heart is locked on one man,
The man who doesn't want her.
No mortal views her sadness,
Everyone assumes she's fine.
Not one person see's a tear drop,
From this lonely girl's sad eyes.
She puts a mask on
To cover the person no one knows of,
In hopes her fake smiles will shade
What she truely feels.
Always using this mask as a character,
So not a soul can glance
Into this girls painful eyes.
-VMS
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Friendships are not made quickly,
They are built strongly and slowly,
When you have a friendship like ours,
They're link's you'll never be able to break,
Because it comes from the heart a place you cannot take.
-VMS
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I've Lost You.
Within you're eyes i used to see my self clearly
The way you seen me, made me think i was worth more
I felt i stood and ment something to you more than anyone,
I thought i reached you,
For a brief second i thought i touched your crimson heart...
Letting me see what life has done to you
Viewing all the pain you went through,
Yet there was more.
Feeling so close inside,
But so far outside,
I was shown Friendships ugly truths.
We were One for a brief moment,
No one could seperate us,
But i suppose that wasn't enough.
I wasn't able to see the future,
Never had I prepared for what was yet to come
The thought of never talking to you again,
Never prosessed through my mind.
You became dark,
Blind to all the faults you make,
With your eyes fixed on the ones i do
Causing anger and frustration,
That's all i see in you.
The eyes i once looked in to for comfort,
Only cause me pain, and torment
I used to confide in you.
I read your actions like i read your mind,
Viewing hateful gestures,
Cruel remarks,
I see a hateful boy, trully hurting inside.
Jaded when atempting to figure out what's wrong,
You settle your confusion by taking it out on
Someone else, because of your pride.
The pride you hold on the outside
Makes you appear cold and empty within
That's not the person I knew inside.
I know life isn't all that great,
But it can get better,
With time and understanding...
Maybe things between us will change?
But if it doesn't that's something i'll have to live with,
Knowing someone i care about won't be around
Is something tough to deal with
But, hey, I guess that's something you can't understand?
-Vms
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So i turned around when you said goodbye,
Not a thought went through my mind,
Numbness and anger that's all i really felt,
But that never ment i didn't love you like hell.
Not one tear shedded from your fuckin eyes,
Not one slight thought,crossed through your mind
Not one word of I Love You slipped from your lips,
Nah...Never, You had too much pride.
Everynight i hope and pray,
That this cruel world, would just go away,
Everyday and morning, is just one new hell,
For people like me to suffer,
And die from...I'll never tell.
-Me
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A friend isn't measured by how nice they are
Nor are they measured by the less confrentation
That you recieve from them.
They are not measured by
The laughter they bring you
Nor the tears.
They are measured by the way in which
You value that person.. And cherish them...
With memories...From the past
Value them today...
And look forward to them being in your life tomorrow.
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Forward and Back.
Will u let me confide in you?
Be that one i can run to..
The one who will never change on me,
That one i envy so deeply.
Just tell me now,
Dont make me wait,
Don't let my heart love you,
When you're just lieing and being fake.
There's a cage i stay in,
Where no one can get near me.
I would only come out,
If it was you're hand guiding me,
I'd only trust,
If you were the person i could trust in.
Don't lead me out,
And expose a vurnerable girl,
If all you want to do is destroy
Everything good about her.
She will run back into her little world
Where everything is simple and less hurtful.
I'll hide behind the bars of my cage..
Letting the tears flow down my face,
Feeling everything crush within me,
I'll now go back to my lonely state.
-Vms
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Two Sides-
Is it okay for me to breath?
Agressive, Strong, Independent...
That's what they precieve me to be,
Lonely, Sad, Depressed,
That's the real me.
I'm not everything they hold me up to be,
I'm just a girl..That's wishing to be free.
A dozen of tears flow down my cheeks,
But no one knows, it's not what they see...
Happy, joyful, don't make me laugh.
Sometimes i feel like a clown,
Putting on my happy face,
When really inside,
I guess i'm just one lost case.
So vulnerable, and frail,
Those qualities do seem to slip from me at times.
As i wash the paint off,
There's a whole new person,
The girl i wish who wasn't me.
I can't keep people near,
Not for too long,
For fear i'd just lose them,
And all i had would be gone..
To love is so hard,
Because at one point i have to say goodbye
Why won't these feelings i have just die?!
Leave me alone!
Just let me be...
Let me be that person,
I envy so much inside
Peaceful, At rest, Calm and Happy..
God i just wish that were me.
-Vms
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Everythings just the same
This world will never change
A cycle of pain and sadness
That's all i've known it to be.
Once i wished i could break away
Ignore all the feelings and emotions
That live within me.
I thought if i cried everyday
Then maybe i wouldn't feel this way...
Release a thousand tears
As i think about all my fears
Get all choked up because
I can't stand how it feels.
Silence, Love, Tears, YOU
That's what will bring me to my resting place
Where no one shall see me again,
Continue not to hear my inner crys
As I see all the disenchantments of my
Forsaken Life.
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Me..
A Girl..
Afraid Of the world..
People who may hurt me..
Love that's lost and Pain felt..
But i'm still deep down a little girl..
Please don't kill my spirit...
For it's hard for me to get it back up..
Remember i'm just a girl..
Wanting the same humanistic thing's like everyone else..
Please be patient with me..
You'll know me soon..
Let me be who i Am..
Because That's all i have left..
To hold on to.
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For everytime i had my heart broke
I cried a weeks worth of tears
Somehow through this all
I have nothing left for one to shatter.
I can pick up the pieces
Glue,Weld,and even hold them.
But the pieces will never truely fit together
For everytime my heart has been broken
A boy has taken a piece with him
And left me with empty places
On a bruised broken pile of something
Something i call my heart.
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-Take it all with you-
A year you've grown
Memories...
Tears...
Laughter...
HeartAche...
Happiness...
Sadness...
Hasn't it just flown by?
You will take it all with you
For the oncoming years,
In hopes that you learn from it
Grow from it all
And become an even better person-
Then you already are.
-Marie
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-Who YOU are-
Don't forget to smile
Because one day i may not be able to.
Don't forget to remember all the good times
For i may be too depressed to reminess about the good-
Don't forget to be who you are
Because that's the person i love at heart.
Don't forget to look for the brighter days
We all know life is truely frickin' hard. =
Don't forget to think of me as your friend,
Because i'll always need you
Don't forget that there IS some good to males
When you see it in him..That's when you'll be in love :X
Most importantly...
Try not to forget any of us-your family, your friends, even your enemys..
Because we all make you who you are.
A strong, bright young woman that has a great spirit, and personality.
A person whom we all love..And that's who YOU are. :X
-Marie
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Alone in my room.
Whyd do i feel the way i do?
I couldda fuckin' sworn i was over you.
Day in and day out i feel the same
If only these feelings could go away.
I can pretend its alright
make everyone believe i'm great
cry all alone in my room at night while
wishin' you were here to stay.
Play with my heart go ahead?
It's not like im not used to it
They do it all the time...
Hell why not give it another try??
Break me into peaces
make me feel numb inside
Over n' over it happens
Nothing can stop my unhappiness.
I can pretend its alright
make everyone believe i'm great
cry all alone in my room at night while
wishin' you were here to stay.
i can't help it if i still love you
i can try and forget but i never remember to
you run through my mind as the tears flow
it's another day of pain and heartache
I can pretend its alright
make everyone believe i'm great
cry all alone in my room at night while
wishin' you were here to stay.
So do what you will
What you feel you need to
Nothing about you will change...
I'll still stay the same
But for us to ever be again...
*sigh*
I guess i'll just stick with
The thoughts and memories...
In my head...
My Song-By Me.
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I lay beneath the same moon you do
staring up at it's shiney glow
viewing how pretty it is...
Yet still feeling an emptiness inside me.
Though we are both beneath it
We are still far apart
I know were not together
Thinking about it
sometimes tears me apart.
They said though were not by eachother
We remain in eachothers hearts..
But i guess that can't apply to us..
Because it seems we've grown apart.
-VMS
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Whenever there was a doubt in my mind...
That everyone had left me..
Turned on me..
..And forgot about me
You were there to remind me..
That though we don't always talk a lot..
That i still have a great friend in you..
..And i've realized
That sometimes...
You're really all i got.
-VMS
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old embraces
|| and those || yet to come
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