My Story (Part 2)
ALL of the following was written by me. (�Vanessa Solis)
A of the following is pretty recent, within this year and the last 3 months or so.As i said before (=P ): My writing has grown and hopfully readers will see that, compare them if you like. When a writer composes(gives birth,delivers,makes, etc.) Poetry, Songs etc. The universal theme they use never really changes. The way in which one writes their poetry may change from time to time, becoming better or worse. But writers tend to write about what they know- what they have been through if you will. And when a person is able to do that in such a way that it touches another soul... That's when writing becomes powerful. Everyone has a story to tell... And through out this journal, i am slowly gathering thoughts, recording daily events.. And one day i can look back on all of this and realize it was my story that i have been telling all this time. So here's parts of my story that i've summed up in many little ones. Remeber....Life is more then who we are. I'm still learning.
�VMS
WARNING!!
The following has to deal with depression, deep thought, emotion, sadness, and all that mushy stuff. So don't bitch about what you see keep the drama to your self. Fair warning given. Thanks :)
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"When everyone is a star shining bright yellow in the sky, i'm the one that's a shade of blue- differing from others, yet still shining brightly."
Pictures capture a moment that words can't describe. Songs & Photos keep that moment you felt forever. Everything that was running through your mind- is now put into something we call an album.Whether it be a Cd Album..Or A Photo Album.. Your moment will be shared and remembered..Always.
-Vms
This is my album...I call it my [journal]
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Apart I Fall.
What a Pathetic Little girl
Living in this hateful world
Can't take the pressure?
Ah..So sorry my dear,
Cheer up!
Smile and hide your pain,
Don't be so foolish to let
Another mortal view it-
Don't allow their false
sympathy to calm you.
Brush them Tears off your face,
Allow, never-
Them to pitty you.
Be strong,
Steel is your wall,
Make it your backbone too.
No time to collapse
Hold your own
They won't be around
For too long.
Lean on them never-
As they will forget to remind you
When they lean away.
On the floor you'll be
Crying in Pain once again
They begin wheeling around
All your emotions.
Never to be of help once more
As you realize,"Apart I Fall... Again."
-Vms
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My Mind; Beautiful isn't the word.
It's left me-
The remains is now a virus
Corrupted in everyway
Gone too soon
Dangerous to all around it
Beautiful isn't the word
Deep horrifying thoughts
Unable to control the hate
Poisoning
Contemplating
Impulses
Pain
I leave in peace
As it leaves me in pieces
It destroyed me
I allowed it to;
My mind is a virus
I remain Numb and Silent.
-VMS
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What happend?
The world isn't easy you know?
I still can't get this heart
To stop beating.
I press my nails
Deep against it
Screech in pain
But all the feelings remain.
Whether it be this world-
My world,
Your world,
I'd still feel the same.
Two alike people
Searching for something
For someone
For a feeling
A feeling called love.
The word-
So over used;
As i see all these people
Using it as a common greeting;
Losing it's REAL meaning.
What does love mean to you?
How do i know you mean it?
How do i know i really feel it?
Why does this feel like torture sometimes?
How does a man manage to make a woman so blind?
I'm weak at the heart;
I'm even weak at mind
But remember it takes a strong woman
To say goodbye;
After pouring her love into him
There must be something lacking
Or something more i'm not aware of
A small something your holding back on
A something from you i need.
But you couldn't give it;
I understand..
Your a man;
And i a young woman.
Maybe the whole you and i
Was not written nor planed
But a wonderful accident
That just ended bad.
Yet i'm greatful for it all
I'd never change a thing
I still heart you,
Your now apart of me.
-Vms
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Rising... Falling...Gripping on to nothing.
-
No words to speak with i sit here numb and confused. Every emotion drained out of my body;here lies a shattered cold heart- with nothing left to lose. Strength is gone, the mind is blank- a puppet for your strings, now the game begins. Here i lie motionless as my body waits for your signal; move me cautiously or apart i fall. Rise above the ground, bend over backwards, do a meaningless dance; anything for your love. Wicked minipulator how will you play with me today? A disease with no cure is what you are. Show the world how false your affection truly is, or are you scared? Avoid who you really are, hide behind [I] the puppet; no way to reveal you now. Break down- become you again- it's all over. My body slowly regains feeling as i take over who i once was; a person without a master- no love to veil my eyes. Break away from the strings, now i shall, realizing how weak of a man you really are.
-VMS
This is kind of a poem i suppose, not in the typical form, but more of the story form. there is such a thing i believe. Poetry has no boundaries. Poetry comes from the person within. And now i'll run around thinking about all of this. Enjoy world.
. .
Nessa M.
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I've lost you.
WHERE ARE YOU?
Why do i feel so alone..?
I miss you
I need you-
Yet i can't find you.
I feel lost
Apart of me has grown
I left the other part somewhere behind.
Why can't we combine and be one?
Is it really too late?!?
I'm so hurt,
So stressed
So numb..
All i can do is shed tears
Think about everything i've ever feared.
Watch the world pass me by
Always feeling so incomplete
Knowing the little girl i once was inside
Has disapeared slowly;
Knowing i left her to her self
Is she okay?
Where did i go wrong?
How did i lose the small person that's within myself?
I don't know what to do-
Life is so complicated.
I wish i was 5 again
With mis-matched shoe strings,
Pretending i was some super hero
Those were the days life didn't affect me.
No boy got near my heart;
No words hurt like they do now.
But now i've seemed to misplace a small part
I wish i could find her..
Life is hard not knowing who you were-
Because you can't find out who you are.
Maybe i scared her away?
Maybe one day...I'll find her.
Maybe..Just maybe..
We'll be together again.
But until then,
I'm alone
In my room
With thoughts cluttering my mind
And tears falling down my cheeks
As i remember the little girl
I once was.
-Vms
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Hide it all- as you try to move on.
Eyes veiled by the tears shed,
Smile foolishly to hide the Frown.
A soft laugh to hold back the pain,
A stare towards the ground to cover the shame.
Breathe in deeply,
Take as much air as needed,
Knowing he is gone for good;
He'll never be there.
The memories will last
He remains in the past
As you break down
Allowing the emotions to take over,
You come to your senses
As you remind your self;
If he was anything you thought he was-
This wouldn't have happened.
You wouldn't feel so hurt.
Now you see all of the doors that were shut;
As you understand he really wasn't worth
a broken heart.
-Vms
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A ring- A man
They come
They go
Lose them
Buy them
Abuse them
Toss them
Hide them
It's a never ending Cycle.
Yet through it all
You learn.
-Vms
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Drain Me.
Black small
Little blood sucker
Stop draining me of all that i'm made of!!
You take, take, take,
Leaving me with nothing.
Your love in disguise
You sucked me up,
Spat me out;
I'm just a rutien for your hunger.
Without me-
You can't survive
But if i were to be without love-
I wouldn't be able to either.
-Vms
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"Unoticeable Friend."
I Cry,
I Fear,
I Hurt,
I Feel,
I Complain,
I Yell,
I Argue,
I Demand,
I Hate,
I Love.
You Hear Me.
You Understand me.
You See my pain,
You Argue back,
You Hate,
You Love.
She Meows,
She Fears,
She Loves,
She Feels.
She's Heard,
But Not understood.
She Fears,
Because she's small.
She loves,
Because that's all she can do.
She Feels,
Because she see's when i'm hurt.
She doesn't understand,
But she know's when i'm in danger.
She can't yell, scream, and argue..
But she defends me with all her strength.
The next time you look at a friend,
Don't forget to glance down at your pet,
Their beside you no matter how bad you can treat them,
They'll bow.
But if you treat them with respect...
And Love..
It's like your own new born child.
A pet is more loyal then a friend.
-By Me-
-Vms
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-Amnesia-
I don't wanna' look back to that day
Regret everything we had
I'd change it all
Just to put a smile on your face
If i could make thing's better
The only question would be
"For How long?"
Would this all last?
Or am i just another
From your past?
Because....
My mind's cluddered
My heart's racing
My love for you hasn't changed
If only you could give me
Something to hold on to..
It would make everything
I'm feeling...
Go Away.
So when your ready
Let me know
Then i can breathe again
I can allow all the pain
To just fade away...
But if this isn't what you want
Don't hurt me more
Let me be
I'll survive,
I'll go on with my daily life
With a little less of you
And a little more of heartache
Always knowing a piece of me
Is missing.
Always trying to forget to remember
That my love for you...
Hasn't changed.
-Vms
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Imagine-Me
I'm thinging of you-
God..How can i get my mind to focus on
Something else?
I want to feel
Your fingertips caress my body
Feel your body against mine
Allow the embrace of your arms
to take me in.
Know that the brushing touch
Of your lips is against my neck
Understand there's more that may come
Enjoy the excitement and antisipation.
Feel your head against my chest.
As we peacefully fall asleep
In eachothers arms.
-VMS
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A poem for Him
I exclude my self from all
As i relax my body against
Such an uncomfortable chair.
Pondering
When the love share
Will part.
When do you take
The high road..
And i the low?
Will i allow you to break free
And flee from my heart?
Maybe i'm not a safe place;
Though i try to be.
My mind is still warped
I'm everything i sho
uldn't be.
Yet i'm something to you.
To you i'm someone
Far more greater then i could
Have ever imagined.
I feel so beautiful...
When your eyes are on me.
Yet i still allow
Paranoia to take over me
I allow it to take over
Every concious thought.
Sometimes i even let it
Control my heart
BUT NEVER AGAIN
Never will it change me once more
I'll never let it take you away from me
Even if i have to gut it out;
I'll tear my self apart.
I love you
I love you
I don't love you like they do-
It's stronger and more painful
Always will i have these feelings
Just for you
You'll always be mine
The love i fear, live, and will die for.
Is the love i'll always send you.
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This is my "so far" song. The first stanza is gunna be the chorus. But i can't think of two more verses. PLus it kinda sounds cheesy :">
ha. Oh well.
Chrous:
Stop staring with your frown at me
You know it's weighing me down
You'll be crying on me
And i'll be the fool again;
I let you let me-
pitty you.
I let you let me-
Let you in.
Last part of the song:
What was once a beginning
Is now an end
I'm moving on
Without you
Leaving my past behind.
Too much pain
Too much crying
Too much of all
All your lieing..
I can't take the pressure..
Oh when will this end?
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"Depressed."
i think
i was
in
love
with
you
but somehow
things changed
and you just
weren't there
you
barely
spoke,
not a
word passed
your
lips
Now i'm
alone...
With all
these tears.
I'm...
Depressed.
I'm..
Alone.
I'm...
Depressed.
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I didn't do it because he loved me too little,
I didn't do it because she loved me too much.
I didn't do it because they cared too little,
I didn't do it because they cared too much.
I didn't do it because i was all alone..
I just did it because i had enough.
-VMS
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Tears sweep away
Slowly they dry up
become a new person
As all the old emotions
Begin to fade away.
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I Can Cry For days
Make My heart Stay This Way
Take And Understand Things The Way I Want To
Ignore The Fact That I Need You
Keep My Pride
Maybe Choke On It,
If That's What It Takes To Push You Away.
I Can Scream In Pain,
Cut Myself Till I'm Drained
Believe That I Hate This World
BreaK Things,Release My Inner Demon,
Act As If I'm Insane.
Anything Would Be Better,
Then Ever Feeling I Could Love you.
I Can Do Mutiple Things
All Causing Harm And Damnage,
But I Still Wouldn't Be Satisfied
I Would Still Be At This State..
Lonely, Depressed, Cynical, Sad
All Because I Can't Stop
What I'm Thinking And Knowing
I Really Need From you.
-VMS (By ME)
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The Cloak
The dark gloomy cloud that shades me
It veils me from other's sins,
Denying their comfort in my eyes
Distancing me from others.
They cannot reach me,
I'm too far away
Nor will they confide in me,
I will not allow it.
The distance from one
Allows me to feel secure,
Knowing no one can hurt me.
The shelter from danger or hardship
Relieves me,
Be gone anxiety, be gone pain!
As long as i have my Cloak
The world and it's harm
Around me shall soon fade.
-Me
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There's more to come in the future of my journal writings. :X
old embraces
|| and those || yet to come
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