Long day
Blah I HATE DOCTORS!!! Bastards. I feel really blahie, and as if i'm alone in the world. i don't really talk to anyone much anymore. In a way i want to but then in another way i don't. You just can't have it both ways. So i guess i chose not to have people surrounding me. It feels as if i'm some psychologist for people. Everyone comes to me with what their going through- but all through my life when i finally mention soemthing is wrong with me, EVERYONE turns me away or trys to say shit i go through isn't big enough to matter. People just don't understand PEOPLE in general. I can tell the difference when someones telling me depressing shit for attention or self pitty- or if their telling me it because they need advice or neet to let things off their chest because no one else is around that can be a loyal ear. I understand that. Throughout my whole entire life. I think aaron has oddly understood me the most. That or he was realllly quiet about not understanding and just letting me know i'm heard. One day i'm going to take a trip to canada and see him. Bet your ass on it. Gotta get money though. Which i have 0 of. So yeah.. It's gunna be awhile. Haha. James is odd. It's like hot and cold with him. Sometimes we talk so much it gets comfortable and i get used to it, and i start liking him again, then sometimes we don't talk at all and it's weeks before i talk to him again, then i stop liking him. I don't really understand how i feel towards him. Maybe i'm pushing my self to like him, or maybe i'm pushing my self not to. I really don't know. He's a cool friend, and he's the type that looks out for other's he cares about. He has the best intentions at heart. Which is what i really like about him. He's not afraid to be emotional sometimes or show that softer side- like other guys DON'T do. Hell i think i'm more emotionally tough/cold/wall built then James is. And he's a guy. Which is sad. I really need to let my guard down. But i'm so afraid. Plus i don't think there's anyone out there that's for me and will make me feel i can let that guard down. I've only let my guard down with aaron, and even though we're not together anymore, we're still the closest best of friends. I honestly can't think of anyone else to be that close to me. He knows me. Anyways. School pretty much sucks. Finals were over by thursday so i took off today and started packing some more junk up. We're going to make a couple more trips tomorrow. Did i mention how much i hate doctors? Broken, ......Sonic old embraces || and those || yet to come |
I loved on 01.24.03 at 11:17 pm |