Idiot.
Hi, I'm Vanessa, and this is a never ending story about my life. :) Well let's see; first things first. If any of you have The dilly or facethejury be sure to add me. kthx :) Yeah uhm... I am sitting here drinking a fantastic Cherry Coke. Awesome! Yeah uh i'm fat :D My mother bought me a new fish tank for my goldfish-- I'm sucha pro with fishIEs. Haha I rule! I now have two tanks, one tropical, one goldfish. Although i DO have to say the goldfish tank is 10x's more awesome... yeah :D I really don't know what's going on with Jose and I anymore. Sometimes I can't even tell when we're up or when we're down. It's funny how he creates the name "Avoid avoidance". A complete oxymoron when it's matched with him. He is complete king of avoidance. Too bad it took me this long to figure it out. : I don't know. Over time-- even after april when I found out everything-- he seems to have an excuse for everything. I'm just tired of hearing excuses, lies, and taking in all this avoidance BS. Recently he told Zuly he'd "warm her up" I'm positive it is not the first time he said something like that to her, or anyone else, and then he has petnames for all of his friends as well. "Precious" and god knows what else. He doesn't even call me anything cheesy like that. GO FIGURE; and to top it off he is MY boyfriend. I'm just completely sick and tired of him playing Mr.Niceguy teddy bear to every girl, or girls tripping over the fact he's meeting up with them behind my back because he is avoiding me, because he "doesn't want to make" me "mad". When you think about it, If he's meeting people, calling them pet names, and playing Mr. sympathy, why the hell is he dating me? He says he fights with Zuly and whoever else, and blah blah certain ones live too far away and blah blah they just don't have everything in common-- well then why pick me? He obviously doesn't fight with these people everyday otherwise he wouldn't still be talking to them, correct? I'm just tired of excuses, like I said. Quit the bullshit already, god. Nothing ever adds up when it comes to the answer of dating me and not one of them. He always throws up how long he's known these girls and blah blah-- well what the hell am I supposed to do? I'm sorry I haven't known you since we were toddlers, ya know? But it doesn't make your actions "okay". There's lines you don't cross, and you've broken every rule ever possibly made. So how can he expect me to forgive and forget in one day? OVERNIGHT. No way. Not happening. I know this whole time I've been telling him I don't trust him, that may very well be part of what I am feeling, But if I am feeling like I do not trust him, it is mainly because I haven't forgiven him! He yells that he's afraid that everytime he turns his back I will be mad at him for some reason, no matter what is it. Well tell me how it feels to turn your back and find out your boyfriend has some bullshit going on with every girl and their mother? God, cut the ties, let it go, tell them to back off. IT'S SIMPLE! You men are so fucking hardheaded, if you don't want drama, you don't want problems, then let the problems go before they get created. DUH! But don't tell me it's stopped, then the next week I find this out, then the following week I find this out, etc. Then you get all shocked, "HOW'D YOU FIND THAT OUT??" DUH asshole YOU DID IT. Don't give me a stupid fucking quote like "I know not to lie because the person will always find out" then go ahead and do shit like this anyways! THEN ask me how I found out?!!!!!!!!!!!!! G O F I G U R E! Tell me this, are you mad because I found out, or because you got caught? Are you mad because It happened or because I know the truth? You'd be happy if I knew nothing. & I'd be an idiot if I didn't know anything. Thanks for wishing I was an idiot!' Because I am. I really am. P.s DON'T tell me girls are adding you, when you're really adding them. You're the one that can't let go, not me. old embraces || and those || yet to come |
I loved on Sunday, Aug. 08, 2004 at 9:41 pm |